Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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