i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
