Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
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New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
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You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize