It's like God shit irony all over that family
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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