During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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