haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
