i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
