U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
