Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
