I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
