Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
