Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
