Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
