things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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