I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
