I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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