if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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