is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
