i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
