That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She's the barista slut.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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