A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
