Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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