I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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