You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
