You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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