he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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