well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
