New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
