Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
