Already got asked if we're dating
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
