I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
