god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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