I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
