i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
