"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
