If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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