so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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