I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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