If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
