I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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