My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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