I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
