on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
