Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
