You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
