It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
