I wish my penis had an off switch
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
