weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
