He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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