hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
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So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
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Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
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