I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
