my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
