omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
