i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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