I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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