Just cropdusted the office
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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