I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
