i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
