I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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