This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
