Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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