we're blogging at a bar
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
