look no pants
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
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DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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