My room smells like vodka and shame
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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