70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
