There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
