who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
