I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
