Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
