you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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