Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
