i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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