i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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