she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
