By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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