i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
