I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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Gay?
German.
Pity.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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