i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
