I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
