your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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