I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i want to fuck
it's pretty self explanatory
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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