Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
