You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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