Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
